Oh, to Sleep
Thursday, 18 October 2012
My brain is fried, I freely admit it.
So often lately, the words that come out of my mouth are completely different from what I intended to say. I put things down and have no recollection of doing so (that’s actually not new). I changed my phone service the other day and had to call my husband for my social security number (I’ve had it memorized for years). This is happening because I have not had a good, full night’s sleep for probably about 8 months. Since way before baby was born.
When you are pregnant, People like to be all “just wait, soon you will never sleep again! muahaha”. In reality, my sleep was destroyed months before the baby arrived and in some ways the pre-baby nights were worse: Getting up to pee 5 times a night, versus reaching over to haul the babe out of her bed 2-3 times a night so she can eat and be cuddled back to sleep. (The second one is much cuter.)
Of course, way back in those days – five months and an entire lifetime ago – there was no tiny person depending on me to feed, diaper, clothe, diaper, feed, entertain entertain entertain (diaper) entertain etc. her around the clock. I lived a luxurious life where entire afternoons could be spent reading and the television could be turned on at will (we are trying to avoid tv for baby as long as possible). Now, I stay up way too late at night because oh, the luxury of an uninterrupted hour. Maybe even two!
I know this isn’t new. Honestly, what is new about motherhood? That’s part of the joy, the continuing tradition. I can take comfort in the fact that people have experienced my current complaints for years and generations and in all parts of the world.
I do not have “mommy brain”.* I am exhausted, yes. And it is true that my darling child wakes me multiple times through the night because she is very small and wants to eat and be snuggled. But quite honestly, if I just went to bed at a reasonable hour, I would probably feel so much better. I actually tell myself nearly every day that tonight I will go to bed early. But the draw of being able to concentrate on something of my own, in a quiet house with no distractions, well, it’s hard to resist.
*I was thinking about this today, then read that blog post. I started writing a comment there, but it got way too long…
No. 1 — October 18th, 2012 at 7:10 am
Right? It drives me nuts. A couple of people do it on facebook all the time, about everything, and it would be inappropriate for me to call them out. Thus the ranting.
It’s 1 am. The baby’s been asleep for hours. I have insomnia / hate going to bed / enjoy being alone. I think we are very much on the same page.